because this is my blog and I can and you’re supposed to talk about stuff on a blog, even though I feel a little weird about it.
Just now I looked at a few of the comments on today’s Lydia episode and I noticed a couple of people talking about how thin Briana and I look. I thought it odd because I was thinking about writing this post earlier today long before I saw that comment. But I want to address it:
Since I have started acting on film I have felt insecure about looking too thin. Episodes like today’s where my shirt doesn’t really hang right and you can see all my chest bones make me especially aware of it. I feel like I can’t talk about this because apparently everyone in Hollywood wants to be thin and I feel sacrilegious saying I FEEL LIKE I LOOK SICKLY when I feel like I look sickly.
But I am sick. That’s the thing. I have an autoimmune disorder that has stunted my growth and kept me malnourished for the majority of my life. Don’t get me wrong—I like my body. I do! I often wish it was stronger and could handle more and didn’t hold my mind back, but in the grand scheme of things I could have been dealt a way worse hand than celiac disease. But that’s it, guys: I can’t eat a lot of things. And even then, my body doesn’t work right some of the time. And I know Bri (and also Ashley) can’t eat a lot of things (ie gluten) either. Don’t get me wrong. I type this at you eating chips and hummus and cheese. And I’m thankful that the body I got in life (because, no one gets to choose, right?) is one that Hollywood seems to like. But I don’t like that the ideal for women these days seems to be less than Healthy. I would like it if we could all aspire to be Healthy.
I’m not there. I’m definitely not as strong as I’d like to be. And I hope this doesn’t come off as whiny or weird or whatever—I truly truly see myself on camera and feel weird about how thin my arms look or how you can see my chesty bones. But that’s my body. And no matter who you are, every single person has problems with their body. So let’s all learn to love ourselves together, yes?
Thank you for listening.